How Do You Tell Someone You Love Her

Love usually refers to an experience one person feels for another.Love often involves caring for,or identifying with a person or thing including oneself. A person can be said to love an object,principle or goal to which they are deeply committed. Psychology depicts love as a cognitive and social phenomenon.

Psychologist Robert Sternberg formulated a triangular theory of Love and argued that love has three different components: Intimacy,Commitment and Passion.Intimacy is a form in which two people share confidences and various details of their personal lives, and is usually shown in friendships and romantic love affairs.Commitment on the other hand is the expectation that the relationship is permanent, and the last form of love is sexual attraction and passion.

Passionate love is shown in infatuation as well as romantic love. All forms of love are viewed as varying combinations of these three components. Non-love does not include any of these components. Liking only includes intimacy. Infatuated love only includes passion. Empty love only includes commitment. Romantic love includes both intimacy and passion.

Certainly love is influenced by hormones (such as oxytocin), neurotrophins, and pheromones, and how people think and behave in love is influenced by their conceptions of love. The conventional view in biology is that there are two major drives in love: sexual attraction and attachment. Attachment between adults is presumed to work on the same principles that lead an infant to become attached to its mother.

The traditional psychological view sees love as being a combination of companionate love and passionate love. Passionate love is intense longing, and is often accompanied by physiological arousal  companionate love is affection and a feeling of intimacy not accompanied by physiological arousal.

In her book, Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love, Helen Fischer — an American Anthropologist,human behavior researcher,and leading Expert on biology of love and attraction.She proposed that humanity has evolved three core brain systems for mating and reproduction:

1. lust – the sex drive or libido, also described as borogodó.
2. attraction – early stage intense romantic love.
3. attachment – deep feelings of union with a long term partner.

Love can start with any of these three feelings, Fisher maintains. Some people have sex with someone new and then fall in love. Some fall in love first, then have sex. Some feel a deep feeling of attachment to another, which then turns into romance and the sex drive. But the sex drive evolved to initiate mating with a range of partners; romantic love evolved to focus one’s mating energy on one partner at a time; and attachment evolved to enable us to form a pair bond and rear young together as a team.


Fisher discusses many of the feelings of intense romantic love, saying it begins as the beloved takes on “special meaning.” Then you focus intensely on him or her. People can list the things they dislike about a sweetheart, but they sweep these things aside and focus on what they adore.


Fisher and her colleagues studied the brain circuitry of romantic love by MRI-scanning the brains of forty-nine men and women: seventeen who had just fallen madly in love, fifteen who had just been dumped, and seventeen who reported that they were still in love after an average of twenty-one years of marriage. One of her central ideas is that romantic love is a drive that is stronger than the sex drive.

As she has said, “After all, if you casually ask someone to go to bed with you and they refuse, you don’t slip into a depression, commit suicide or homicide — but around the world people suffer terribly from romantic rejection.From the brain scans of people who had just fallen madly in love, Fisher’s 2004 book discusses differences between male and female brains. On average, men tended to show more activity in a brain region associated with the integration of visual stimuli, while women showed more activity in several brain regions linked with memory recall.

Fisher hypothesizes that these differences stem from differing evolutionary forces governing mate choice. In prehistory (and today), a male was obliged to size up a potential female partner visually to ensure that she is healthy and age-appropriate to bear and rear their potential progeny. But a female could not know from a male’s appearance whether he would be a good husband and father; she had to remember his past behaviors, achievements and misadventures–memories which could help her select an effective husband and father for her forthcoming young.


Recent studies in neuroscience have indicated that as people fall in love, the brain consistently releases a certain set of chemicals, including pheromones, dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin, which act in a manner similar to amphetamines, stimulating the brain’s pleasure center and leading to side effects such as increased heart rate, loss of appetite and sleep, and an intense feeling of excitement. Research has indicated that this stage generally lasts from one and a half to three years.

Deep meaning of love

Aatma Prema is a very beautiful concept that deals with the values of loving self without any condition and in full acceptance. It is the concept when you love yourself not because you keep yourself above from others, but when you see yourself in others and others in yourself. To simplify it is the feeling where we realise it is becoming one with the origin.

Once you learn the art of self-love then you can finally renounce the negative feelings like hatred, jealousy and be able to love selflessly.Among the various forms of love, kama is the aspect that deals with carnal pleasure. In common language, we call it sex. It is considered as one of the most joyful aspects of being in love with the other. It involves different stages of love making that make the sparks fly between two people.

According to the ancient Vedic knowledge LOVE between a man and a woman develops and runs seven stages, there are no precise boundaries. They can flow smoothly into one another, or, like an explosion, occur simultaneously.

I. Stage of contemplation.

Attracted the attention of one other person of the opposite sex. One whose attention is drawn, highlights another person from others, examining, feels sympathy and unwittingly creates situations that allow more to see, because the meeting is a joy.

II. Stage of initiation.
One of the lovers (sometimes both) “throws” his sympathy for the other: actively engaging his attention in different ways, wanting to please, to make a favorable impression interested.

III. Stage opening of the heart.
This period Vedic sages called “honeymoon” because “the heart of both open and exude love streams of love and affection.” One of the happiest periods in early stage lyubvnyh relationships – lovers forget about everything and they feel that they have found the half.

According to the Vedas, at this stage, do not just have sex, “as long as the passion will not be a servant of love” as “passion can quickly capture the heart, killing still a tiny flower of love” and come to the fore, destroying love. The ancients believed that the stage of opening the heart can take from several months to several years.

IV. Stage of contact.
The most difficult and challenging period. Need to find common ground on all levels – spiritual, intellectual, social, domestic, emotional and physical, that requires patience and careful attention to each other.

During this period, the “heart of two lovers can be periodically closed” due to the idealization of another, or the fear of the excessive passion, so it is possible internal or external gap. But this stage of love is also finite.

V. Stage of creation.
Woman’s “open” and more and more filled with warmth. Now the couple are ready to create a complete family, that is to “take back the souls who will be their children.” They “create a garden of love and tenderly care for each flower,” do not put pressure on their children and do not try to alter it. With the onset of the stage works of the “heart of love will never be closed.”

VI. Stage of self-sacrifice.
Beloved tested his love. For each pair they own, as a measure of self-sacrifice. The vital task in the final stage is the destruction that was artificially created in the relationship between people, that there is only love.

VII. Stage harmony.
Hearts of two people, as it were fused together, and between them is different, they are in the same energy-matrix, the couple “have one heart for two.” Loving feel each other at a distance. “The flow of love, like an inexhaustible waterfall erupts around them, harmonizing space and time. Even severe pain can not break the bliss of love. Souls who have reached this stage, do not leave even after death. “

She is the mistress and ruler of the house. Virtuous, noble, educated wife of an unimpeachable character and conducts devoted to her husband with body mind and soul enjoy the highest bliss. 

However, for those who do not have faith in the permanent truths and cosmic laws of necessity (Rta) of the Vedas and prefer to follow non divine vocations by resorting to bribery, magic, miracles, adulteration of food, the Vedic metaphysics is silent about the marriage institution for them. Out of six kinds of marriages mentioned in Rig Veda like Brahma Vivah, Gandharva Vivah, Asura Marriages based on use of force and any kind of pressure are not advised in Rig Veda. Bigamy, polygamy and polyandry is not advised to Arayans (noble persons).

God is present when sex is resorted to for the purposes of procreation only in socially recognised marriages. A number of socially recognised marriages have been mentioned. Love marriage is considered superior to arranged marriage. Parents should encourage those young men and women who love each other and want to get married. This kind of Marriage is Brahma Vivah (marriage blessed by God). There is no mention anywhere that marriages should be within the same Varna.

More emphasis is on the same level of intelligence, ability and the proficiency in Vedic education. Both degree holders should preferably marry each other but their children could be assigned different Varna based on merit, aptitude and capacity. There is no mention of 4 Varnas (Brahamin, Kshatriya, Vaisha and Shudra) by birth in the Vedas.
Marriages arranged by parents are also contemplated. However, the institution of svayamvara where the bridegroom has to fulfill certain conditions of expertise, strength, power, knowledge etc., is to be fulfilled as prescribed by the parents of the bride, before finally getting married.

This clearly shows the great importance Vedic risis and munnies gave to women. No dowry system is mentioned anywhere. Vedas leave no doubt those male female relationships are more on the principle of co-equal relationship of the cosmos i.e. between Purusha (the Supreme Reality) and Prakrti (Supreme Mother) and thus provide divinity and sanctity to the institution of marriage.

Vedas are the most important Indian scriptures written by ancient intellectuals. It describes every duty of a person born in the Vedic religion. Atharvaveda is the fourth book out of the total 4 Vedas, but has been a late addition to the Vedic scriptures. It clearly describes the duty of Husband and Wife for maintaining a healthy marriage. Duties of a Wife

1. Atharvaveda mantra 2/30/2 – Sharing is the key to a healthy marriage. Husband and Wife should share everything they come across.

2. Atharvaveda mantra 6/11/1- Hard work and strength should be the traits of a husband and wife should be calm and serene. This will give birth to brave and sensible progeny.

3. Atharvaveda mantra 6/42/1- husband and wife should be completely devoid of anger and should work together to accomplish house hold tasks.

4. Atharvaveda mantra 6/89/2- Compatibility should never be an issue between a husband and a wife. Love comes with understanding.

5. Atharvaveda mantra 7/37/1- Wife should be careful regarding keeping herself well clad and look decent. Husband should never think about any other woman.

6. Atharvaveda mantra 7/38/1 – Being away from her Husband’s house may create an urge in the Husband to get involved with some other female. This is said to be general human tendency.

7. Atharvaveda mantra 1/14/1 – Her husband’s house should be her permanent abode. Handling situations faithfully, gently and in a learned manner will prevent problems from entering their lives.

8. Atharvaveda mantra 3/25/1- Being blunt and over scheduled may bring a monotonous approach to any relationship. Showing care, love and romanticism should be well understood by the wife.

9. Atharvaveda mantra 3/25/5- Sincerity and dedication towards her husband should be her priority.

10. Atharvaveda mantra 3/30/2 – The wife should always put up a sweet and sober nature.

Duties of a husband

1.Atharvaveda mantra 1/34/5 – The husband should be sweet and affectionate such that the wife will always love him dedicatedly.

2.Atharvaveda mantra 2/30/4 – Nothing should be kept hidden from the wife. Maintaining transparency is his prior duty.

3.Atharvaveda mantra 5/25/6- Being disciplined and maintaining a pious life should always be in his mind.

4.Atharvaveda mantra 6/9/2 – Love, care and affection should always be shown by him towards his wife. Even at situations of sorrow and difficulty he should never be rude or treat ill to his wife.

5.Atharvaveda mantra 6/81/1 – Husband should lead a disciplined life and should be capable of earning money to sustain his married life.

The eight types are:


1. Brahma marriage – The Brahma marriage is the marriage of one’s daughter, after decking her with costly garments and with presents of jewels, to a man of good conduct learned in the Vedas, and invited by oneself.A Brahma marriage is where a boy is able to get married once he has completed his student hood, or Brahmacharya. Brahma marriage has the most supreme position of the eight types of Hindu matrimony. When the parents of the boy seek for a female, they would consider her family background, but the girl’s father would make sure that the boy that wishes to wed his daughter had the knowledge of Vedas. It is these things that make the basis for Brahma marriage, not a system of dowry.

2. Daiva marriage – The type of marriage that is considered inferior because it is degrading to womanhood. This is where the woman’s family will wait for a specific time to get her wed. If she doesn’t get a suitable groom, then she would be married off to places where family choose by matchmaking through priest who duly officiates at a religious ceremony, during the course of its performance. This used to be the practice followed by many Royals in ancient times to forge diplomatic ties with allies and enemies alike.

3. Arsha marriage – An Arsha marriage is where the girl is given in marriage to a sage. The bride used to be given in exchange for some cows. Agasthya married Lopamudra accordingly. Kings often could not refuse the sages who had such power and standing in society and hence the numerous stories in Mahabharata that portray this practice.

4. Prajapatya marriage – Prajapatya is when a girl’s father gives her in marriage to the bridegroom, treating him with respect, and addresses them: ‘May both of you perform together your duties’. Unlike in Brahma marriage, Prajapatya matrimony is where the bride’s father goes in search of a groom, although this isn’t considered as good as the grooms parents searching for the perfect bride. Also, unlike Arsha marriage, monetary transactions are not a part of the Prajapatya marriage.

5. Gandharva marriage – The voluntary union of a maiden and her lover on own is called Gandharva marriage. When it comes to ‘love’ marriage, it is Gandharva marriage that is the most similar. This is where a groom and his bride could wed without their parents knowledge or sanction. This is how Dushyanta married Shakuntala. Note that this is not same as Dating. Here the bride and the groom exchange vows in the presence of some person, creature, tree, plant or deity before any further action.

6. Asura marriage – Asura marriage is when the bridegroom receives a maiden, after having given of his own free will as much wealth as he can afford, to the bride and her kinsmen. It is Asura marriage that sets itself apart from the other types of marriage. This is a matrimony where the groom may not often be compatible with the bride and may even possess some abnormality but either greed or compulsion on the part of the bride’s father coupled with the groom’s desire and wealth may render it. At all times this type of marriage was considered lowly. In modern times this is unacceptable because it is much like buying a product off the shelf and against common Indian law.

7. Rakshasa marriage – Rakshasa marriage is the marriage of a maiden involving her forcible abduction from her home after her kinsmen have been slain or wounded much like its practice in khazakh and uzbek cultures where it is still practised as a ritual. The groom will forge battles with the bride’s family, overcome them and carry the bride away to convince her to marry him. Because of its use of force this marriage is essentially rape in modern parlance, and it was never considered right – hence the pejorative name rakshasa attached to it. This is condemned in the Manusmriti as a base and sinful act. In modern times it is a crime. Arjuna’s marriage to Subhadra was made to look like this but in reality it was a Gandharva Marriage because both of them were in love a priori and they had the consent of Subhadra’s brother Sri Krishna who actually suggested this subterfuge to preempt Balarama from dissent.

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